Embrace Experiences over Resolutions
It’s the start of a new year. For me and many others, that also means participating in the long-held tradition of making resolutions. Just how long have humans been engaged in this reflective exercise? Over 4,000 years ago, the ancient Babylonians celebrated their new year with promises to their gods to pay debts and return borrowed items. In ancient Rome around 46 BC, our current calendar was established with January named as the first month in honor of the two-faced god Janus. The intention was to encourage everyone to look backwards at the prior year in order to inform their individual promises for better conduct in the new year. That practice, too, held the gods as accountability partners. Today, instead of promises to gods, the tradition primarily involves commitments to self improvement. And, most individuals rarely achieve their desired outcomes.
Why? I’ll get to that in a moment.
Oxford English Dictionary defines resolution as “the definite decision to do or not do something.” There is a sense of firmness, determination and action orientation to this language. What is missing, however, is an awareness of all the parts that go into following through on such a decision.
What needs to be present or true for me to believe in my own power to make good on the resolution? How do I need to be in order to do something different?
Generally, I have found that it is very difficult to change without a shift in my mindset. I may want to do more painting. I may want to be a more connected stepmother. I may want to eat more healthily. Yet, if I set these goals without shifting how I think about myself in relation to the goals, it is challenging to sustain them. These resolutions come from a place of what I lack rather than how I might grow – into the freest, fullest expression of myself which is ultimately my highest commitment.
This year I invite you to join me in a new and different process for identifying and setting goals.
Start from a positive place. Begin your process by reflecting on the past year from a place of confidence. Consider the following questions.
What is there to celebrate about myself and my life?
What learnings are there to embrace?
What practices are there to carry forward in the new year?
Focus on the experience you desire. Ask first “what experience do I want to have” in life and/or in relation to the various aspects of life such as career, relationships, well-being and self expression. This consideration allows you to understand your motivations at a deeper level. The goal or goal(s) then become less about doing and more about how you want to experience the world differently. Here is an example.
At the end of last year, my regularly packed schedule started to feel overwhelming. When racing through meetings, I began to notice my thinking “if I can only get to the end of the day, the weekend or the airport then I’ll be okay.” After probing more deeply around the experience I was seeking, it became evident that what I really wanted was more magic and delight in my life.
Consider the parts that make up the whole. Once you are clear about the experience that you want to have, the moment has arrived for you to delineate what needs to happen to fulfill that experience. Break it up into bite-sized parts that are easier to see and realize. Establish measures of success along the way so that you can monitor your progress and/or revisit the steps needed to achieve the experience you desire.
Fierce, compassionate and competitive leader Courtney Banghart, head women’s basketball coach at University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, advises, “Don’t let the parts get lost in the whole.” As high achievers, we often become so intensely focused on an end goal that we lose sight of the value, benefits and joy of getting there...the journey. This year, prioritize positivity, experiences and parts as you identify and realize your goals, and embrace the journey to fulfillment.
If you would like help in identifying and setting goals, set up a Discovery Call today.