Who You Are vs What You Do
I thrive as a high performer. I love the feeling of accomplishment in just about any situation—running up a hill that I would normally walk, hiking a challenging trail, mobilizing others around a common purpose, navigating a difficult conversation, and serving in a leadership role.
This push to excel has delivered amazing results in my life and powerful recognition from others. It has also gotten me into trouble.
I have at times found myself believing that my worthiness comes from achievement alone and that I might not be loved or valued if I don’t have an impressive title or perform at the highest level.
I have pushed myself beyond my own limits, leading to injury or illness. I have stayed in roles too long, even though they had become unfulfilling, out of a sense of obligation and “looking good on paper.”
I have found myself overwhelmed by external commitments, feeling debilitated and disempowered. In each of these moments, I let my doing become more important than my being.
Who am I outside of what I do?
This was an especially confronting question when I stepped down after eleven years as a college president. The answer was not readily apparent, and so I began by asking questions. Here’s what I learned.
What I do is about actions taken and decisions made. It’s about roles played, positions occupied and behaviors. By comparison, who I am is about my distinct values, intuitions, qualities, assumptions, and thought patterns. It’s about what is important to me deep down and what lights me up from the inside.
Both who we are and what we do changes throughout our lifetimes. The practice is to start with your being and let that ground the choices you make about what you do. Here are strategies to help.
Be curious when engaged in meaningful work. Ask what interests you here? What is generating your sense of joy? Focus on your “why” and ask that of yourself repeatedly (at least three times) to go as deep as possible in understanding the motivation.
Be open to quiet reflection and honest self-assessment. Consider undertaking a review of past experiences. Which experiences in work and life have generated the greatest energy, delight, and engagement? What skills were you employing or developing in that moment or role? The answers are most likely your strengths, so make a list.
Be aware of language and frameworks. Consider the difference between “I am a coach” as compared to “I work as a coach.” While the former reinforces the notion that you are what you do, the latter frames your role as an aspect of your life. In detaching your identity from a role or position, it also opens up more creativity and entrepreneurialism in how to approach the work.
I have come to realize that the highest performers—those who excel and radiate joy—love what they do because it is an extension of who they are. Being clear about who you are is critical for being able to do what you do effectively, with joy and authentic confidence.
“At some point, if we are to continue to grow, we must begin to differentiate ourselves from the roles we play.” — Carol Pearson (b. 1944), author and educator
If you’d like support differentiating who you are from what you do, set up a discovery call today.